A man is a male human. The term man (irregular plural: men) is used for an adult human male, with the term boy being the usual term for a human male child or adolescent human male. [Wikipedia]
Esquire had a write up on 75 skills every man should master and it got me to thinking about how many of these actually apply, how many I've covered, and who the leading roles in showing me these were played by, using the list as a guide.
The opening line in the article got me to thinking about my life and really how much it applies to me.
A man can be expert in nothing, but he must be practiced in many things. Skills. [Wikipedia]My art teacher this past semester, upon looking at my drawing pad, said to me, "These are all really good, but none of them are finished". Touché. Seems to be a steady pattern, and this a perfect analogy, in almost all aspects of my life.
[This man, my Abuelito, responsible for a lot of who I am, as a man]
Without further adue:
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence.
I'm not much of a talker, I tend to take things in and try to base a foundation or thought on what I know. Although I hardly take myself seriously, when the time calls for it, I suppose I can be of assistance, but that's really something someone else would need to answer for me. Someone I've talked to.
2. Tell if someone is lying.
Oh, I can spot a lie from a mile away. I won't always call people out on them, but I can definitely tell. If you're lying to me, and you see me raise the one eyebrow in disbelief, that's probably me not believing one damn word you're saying.
3. Take a photo.
From time to time. here and here
4. Score a baseball game.
Not a huge sports fan, never have been, although I do enjoy attending a live sporting event from time to time, if I was to pick a sport it most definitely would not be baseball. This task does sound somewhat appealing to me laid out the way it's laid out. Definitekly going on the to do list.
5. Name a book that matters.
current
Interpreter of Meledies
on and off
essays by r.w. emerson
hemingway: the short stories
next
on the road
some favorites
freakonomics
nine stories
the stranger
a confession and other religious writings
catfish and mandala
the aleph and other stories
el coronel no tiene quien le escriba
bhagavad gita
dhammapada
diego el rojo
el alquimista
fight club
once minutos
blinking with fists
future shock
last exit to brooklyn
prince jack
the doomsday conspiracy
the illiad and the odyssey
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible.
ZOMFG! The Smashing Pumpkins and The Decemberists
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill.
Pffft!
Oven Baked Pork Loin in Garlic and White Wine
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
Like I mentioned before, I'm not a huge talker, unless the situation calls for it, or if I'm drunk, but always try to maintain verstile and dynamic.
9. Write a letter.
Do emails count? Heh. Time to find a recipient. Onto the to do list.
10. Buy a suit.
I own 3, but at the rate I'm going, I will need to buy new ones when they don't fit anymore. Time to hit up Zara again!
11. Swim three different strokes.
I've been swimming since I was born. Backstroke, Butterfly, and whatever the front chest stroke is technically called in English.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up.
I hate ass kissers and brown nosers and name droppers. I can definitely throw down with higher ranks without licking their backs.
13. Throw a punch.
Man, haven't brawled since high school, but I held my own. Visiting a boxing gym once or twice, my punch form has been honed. Use the shoulder. Use momentum to your advantage. Maintain a good pivoting point. Punch straight and with strength.
14. Chop down a tree.
There hasn't been much reason for me to know this skill, but I have used an axe to chop wood for fires, and oddly enough a machete to take down plants, if these count for anything. All in all I wouldn't say I'm an advocate of tearing down wildlife for no reason.
15. Calculate square footage.
Pffft. [W x L] I use it everytime I buy your mom a new shirt! (oh snap)
16. Tie a bow tie.
This goes on the list. Although you best believe the only time you'll see me wearing one of these is with a tux. If you see me wearing one any other time, feel free to punch me in the face.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well.
I make a killer apple martini. Emphasis on the killer part.
18. Speak a foreign language.
Si, Señor!
19. Approach a woman out of his league.
Clearly. As someone close to me once said to me, perhaps quoting someone else, "Why try to be part of any club that would have me as a member?"
20. Sew a button.
I'm good with a needle and some thread.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer.
I do it all the time.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that you don't have to ask after it.
I'd like to think so. (Wait. Did you?)
23. Be loyal.
Some people's definition of this can be askewed and biased, however, I'd like to think that I hold enough common sense and appreciation for people in my life to know when I need to stand where with them and never consciously do anything to jeopardize relationships. At the same time keeping in mind not to compromise my own principles in order to make other people happy.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope.
Parliament Lights, drinks depend a lot on the situation and the place, but for the most part: Brooklyn Lager, a shot and a beer, Knob's Creek (or the next best thing in available whiskey) on the rocks, Tequila and Grapefruit.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it.
Yes. I miss wood shop. anyone up to build some furniture?
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
I did grow up around a lot of figures who liked the outdoors and fished. During this time, however, I was never really allowed to play with the rods. I've been meaning to go and get a license at Wal Mart or whatever to head out into Virginia and try it out. Doing this is definitely on the list already.
27. Play gin with an old guy.
I don't think I know anyone who plays gin. I don't think there are any old people near by that I know. Which reminds me, I've got to get to Chihuahua this year.
28. Play go fish with a kid.
No kids in the Go Fish age I know. The closest one is at least a few years away.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped.
I love wikipedia!
30. Feign interest.
Really? Tell me more!
31. Make a bed.
Like I was in the army.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick.
Reminds me of the misty rain drizzling in through the window on a warm summer night.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool.
I can usually hit one, but never on purpose. I need to play more pool.
34. Dress a wound.
I am very clumsy, so I've definitely been known to slice myself open once or twice. I'm a killer with the gauze and the iodine. I can do alcohol too, but only when absolutely necessary.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
I drive a 94 Ford Probe. So yes.
36. Make three different bets at a craps table.
Never been much of a gambler, casino style at least. Craps is def one game I have yet to learn. Snake eyes watching you!
37. Shuffle a deck of cards.
Like a champ! Grandparents held a lot of card games in their (and my) younger days.
38. Tell a joke.
I'm a king of wits more so than joke teller. My joke vault is most efficient in Spanish-speaking environments.
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack.
See above.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear.
Oh man. Kids. I probably need some practice on this, but again see number 28.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear.
I got this one down to the T.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear.
Been around dogs all my life. I'm pretty good with them. I miss my puppy. :(
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help.
This is another one of those that haven't quite come up yet, but I am pretty handy and clever when it comes down to it. Also another reason to love the interwebs.
44. Ask for help.
I like to think that I'm pretty open about asking for things when I need them, but I also know that I can be pretty stubborn when pride gets in the way. always room to improve I suppose.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist.
Really? I'm actually unsure about this one. Anyone up to it out?
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
A great thing about keeping female friends close is always being in the know of what the best plan of attack is when doing things like picking out presents, matching colors, and sizing other girls up. I've got a general idea.
47. Recite one poem from memory.
I WANNA HEAR A POEM!
48. Remove a stain.
I've learned a thing or two from my colleague at work and moms.
49. Say no.
Yes! That is to say, I've become a lot better about this one. I've spent a lot of bad times because of my inability to say no to certainn people in fear of hurting their feelings. With time, however, I've come to find that a plain and simple no can be benefitial to both parties and more often than not, is not so hard.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up.
I love eggs!
oops!
51. Build a campfire.
I leaned this from a friend I used to camp with in Texas. and yes, I can keep a camp warm if needed.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do.
Seems to be what most of my current job description entails. Also, working in the kitchen, and especially now going to school in one, you constantly encounter lazy bums trying to swindle out of responsibilities. I frankly don't care as long as it keeps the ball rolling and allows me to get home quicker. Plus it's a great way to learn new things and add them to the list of shit responsibilities you already know how to do. Making you a bit more indispensable than before.
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
Been known to rough up a guy or two in my life time. Since after high school, however, I've had the common sense to keep away from fights.
54. Break up a fight.
All the time! Damn these hip hop shows at Jammin' Java!
55. Point to the north at any time.
I suck at direction. End of story. It takes me three times as long to get anywhere than it would probably take any normal human being.
57. Explain what a light-year is.
Yes! E=MC^2
58. Avoid boredom.
This is a hard one to accomplish at work. But then again, I suppose this is why I blog. I do keep a number of hobbies at hand for those moments when I can't eat, drink, or shop. Among them are reading, drawing, playing the guitar, listening to music, and film. Although most currently it has been a string of TV series on DVD.
59. Write a thank-you note.
This is one that I always keep in mind, not sure if I do it consciously or unsciously, but I've always subscribed to the idea that you should let people know you appreciate things that they do for you, especially when they don't have to.
Oh, and girls love that kind of stuff.
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product.
I have several, although most of them Mexican food products. There is always Alterna Hair Concrete. I cannot live without that shit, especially after just having my hair did.
61. Cook bacon.
OMFG are you kidding me? Yes.
62. Hold a baby.
Although it does freak me out a little bit to do so, but it's like riding a bike. Cradle their back firmly with one arm, hold their head steady with the opposite hand. Motorboat their tummies. Done.
63. Deliver a eulogy.
Although there have been people somewhat close to me pass away, I've never had to be the one delivering the words of farewell. I hope it doesn't happen any time soon either.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch.
I'm not a big fan of european explorers in the Americas in general. Most of them have been complete douchebags. Surprisingly, their legacy of douchebaggery lives on in later generations of settlers up until today.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably.
Man, yeah, see number 4. I can shoot all these mediocrely. Although I grew up around a fair number of men, none of them were particularly adept to sports. The time I was part of a baseball team in my younger days, as I batted I ran to 3rd instead of to 2nd gaining the disdain of my teammates. Later that same game as I went up to bat, I caught a ball with my face. Left shortly after, never to come back. The football I threw around every so often with friends and I can get a pretty firm spiral. Not much length in my throw though. Jump shots I can do okay in, but again, probably not that great in an actual game.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost.
Heh. see 55. However, when in places unknown, I am really good about keeping track of where I've been and finding my way back. I pay attention when I have to. Unfortunately, it only happens when I have to.
69. Tie a knot.
The same friend who taught me how to light a fire, taught me how to tie some knots. One of my uncles, who i s quite the handy and outdoors man, also had his hand in showing me a trick or two in tying rope and line.
70. Shake hands.
Always firm while looking at the other man's face. Although I must confess a lot of times I have to remind myself to do it right as to not come across as an asshole.
71. Iron a shirt.
Like I'm my life depended on it. Although not one of my favorite activities.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car.
The back of the Probe is full of an incredible amount of stuff to help survive an unexpected tragedy.
73. Caress a woman's neck.
Clearly.
74. Know some birds.
I love cardinals, blue jays, and road runners. Birds of Prey are fun to look at as well. Oddly enough I saw a buzzard on a rooftop a few days ago.
75. Negotiate a better price.
I could always be a better haggler. Although in my recent trip to Mexico, I managed to lower the prices of meals, lodging, and tours. Made my money last a lot longer than it would have otherwise.
Wow. I'm done. I did fairly well, all things considered.
